What I Want

I found this in my journal...
i thought this to be rather interesting.
as my views have kind of changed...

what i want
1. a guy who is 100% perfect... for me
2.money$$$
3. Studio Apt. in Nueva Yorkkkk
4.Better handwriting
5. a car
6. something to call my own
7. a new guitar
8. to be seen AND heard
9. True blue friends (ihaveafew!)
10. To stay imperfect, because that is just perfect to me
11. People to follow my blog (ahh haha i laugh at this one=])
12. love
13. More v-neck tees (still unsuccessful... i guess you have to be flat chested for them to look right!)
14. Mitchell Davis to comment me back, or Pegen wilson at least!
15. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind on my iPod

where the wild things are

Is anyone else excited for Where the Wild Things Are?
I loved this book when i was a little one.
and i totally cant wait...

...and yes, i'll admit.
i'm a total nerd.

Anyone lived in a pretty how town

This is my favorite poem ever written
by E.E. Cummings


anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating, many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didnt, he danced his did

Women and men (both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isnt they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed (but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow stir by still
anyones any was all to her

everyones married their someones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hoe and then) they
said their nerves they slept their dreams

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes

Women and men (both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

And then i was sucked in...

I finally saw twilight today. i have to admit, it was good. kristen stewart, in my opinion, is still the worst, most monotone, actress to walk the earth. but i would have to say, robert pattinson is beautiful. not hot, gorgeous, or even attractive at that. but beautiful.... in a non creepy way.

today i also noticed that a lot of people who i thought i were friends with, were extremely fake.
i just hope that next time, people will take the chance to really get to know me,
and not just rely on what they hear from others.

in other news, i am starting to meet a lot of people. i really enjoy going to shows and meeting band members, or other show-goers. i plan on going to as many as possible over spring break. so far i am scheduled to go to 3. know anymore?=]

im glad i have the people i do. i still live by gods word as best as i can. and im going to keep walking down the path i have taken.

when i get in taxis and converse with that man

my dad made his decision on who means most to him.
i hope him and his girlfriend have a fantastic life together.
full of lies and deceit.
its too bad i wont be there to witness the downfall.
but i guess that was his choice.

As some know, i lost someone who i was very close to this week. I've never had the misfortune of losing somebody close before. The funeral was hard to go to. The eulogy was hard to sit through. But i've never felt so much love and devotion in one room ever before. This person has touched so many people's lives in his own life. Mine included. He accepted me as his own, even though we werent related in the slightest bit. He filled a part in my life that mother's father was never there to do. He was my grandfather. Maybe not biologically. But that was the relationship we shared.

Seeing my sister stuggle towards the end was almost as heartbreaking as seeing him struggle. He was her best friend. As her biological grandfather, he was there for her. It was hard for me to watch my eight year old sister go through something that people my age have yet to approach. But so far, she has handled it better than most adults would. To make a bright point out of a dark situation, I think that shes grown much stronger through this.

I'll never forget. She'll never forget. And we'll never forget.
R.I.P. Roy J. Sandlin
1921-2009

dont let anyone tell you you arent the prettiest girl at the prom

this is a (metaphor) poem i wrote for english.
yes... i actually applied myself for once....

Walking up to home plate
I can feel, taste, the dust in the air.
I adjust my feet, choke up on my bat
and i nod my head to clarify im ready.

She pitches the ball, i choose not to swing.
I hear the 5-letter word uttered from the umpire behind me.
Strike! he yelled, as i tighten my grip
and i reset my stance for the next ball to come.

I'm more anxious now than before
waiting patiently for the right one to come my way
I see her wind up, pitch the ball
and i choose not to swing, it just doesnt feel right.

2 strikes, and this is my last chance,
my chance to make the right choice
my chance to run with it, and feel proud
This time i swing with all my might, just to strike out and end my night.

End.

ttake a sad song and make it better

im really excited to go to marion this week. i dont work saturday or sunday, so its nice to have that break to just relax. i'm hoping to spend time with some of my friends. and maybe get my sunglasses back.
im planning on enjoying my weekend and not letting anything get me down.
my best friend is staying with me saturday night. which is nice, because her and i have not done anything fun together for a while.
my other best friend and i are hanging out all day saturday. i love spending time with her. she's such a great person and she helps me be a good person as well.
i plan on hanging out with seth some on sunday. i just hope its not canceled like everyother time we were supposed to spend time together.
but all in all, its seems like its going to be a good weekend with some warm weather. but i'll definitely be keeping my fingers crossed as tightly as possible.

nothing ever goes as expected

i had to face a really hard obstacle last night. i had to try with all my might not to punch the one person in the face who ruined everything.
i ended up going to my dads. and his ex-girlfriend was there. there is so much animosity between her and i and i have so much hatred towards this woman for reasons unknown to my father. i tried my hardest to be nice for my dad, but i didn't speak almost the whole night in fear i would start to get on a rampage. a handful of people know the trials i had been through because of her. the damage she had caused by the lies she had told.
its just that hard to forgive.
and its even harder to forget.

we all can hear the bells

i made a decision Saturday that im going to have to live with for a while. It's going to be hard for me, considering the damage i caused.
but on a ligher note...
Im staying in marion tonight to see my dad.
im really excited. i haven't seen my dad for a few weeks/months. its been a while. i come home tomorrow though. i guess the fun can't last forever.
but i'll be right back in town on friday. start the party.

lets give em somethin to talk about...

my weekend was a bore.
worked a dead shift friday. 330-11pm
went to fortwayne saturday night. got home at 830
bought a new flannel.
im still in my pajamas for today.
but on a much happier note...
rudy valdez and i are writing a song.
its going to be on my cd.
which i will start recording soon.
<3end