All is fair in love and war

i know that what i did had good intentions to help her.
and i hope it pushes her to step in the right directions.

im not sorry for what i did.
but im sorry for what she will have to go through.

I might have lost a best friend today.

but i'd rather see her mad at me and alive
not be her friend and watch her die.

Hello? anyone there???



nope...
didnt think so.

whew.

so the past few weeks have been kind of a bore. getting ready for the release of school. working on a non-stop schedule. staying at home. a monotanous spin of my regular life.

im stuck. i was asked by my boss if i wanted to continue working over the summer, and my knee jerk reaction was to say "yes, of course!" thinking, more hours=more money. but i also just realized how big of a dent in my summer fun this will be making.

one vacation. no camp. every weekend at work. possibly 3 days a week. and i'll have to make the drive from marion to huntington.

it seems so simple to the outside eye, but to me, my summer means everything. everything good happens to me over the summer. its the only time i really feel happy, and i dont want that to be burdened by my burgandy vest and large white name tag and the constant smell of popcorn.

there are times i walk from you, like some passing afternoon

This weekend, so far, has been better than i expected.

i worked friday night until 10. It wasnt all that bad. My grandparents picked me up from huntington for the drive to marion. We talked about my life and my struggles, as usual. I spent some time with one of my friends, which was nice. We dont do much anymore, and im happy to hang out with him.
i got a well needed haircut on saturday. still trying to figure out if i like it or not. then i went with taylor and we videotaped at the park with bubbles and kites. I then picked up randy and we were off to see skunkape at their last performance.

The show was amazing. I got to see some great friends whom i dont see often. And to see such a great band go is sad, but having everybody come together and see the end is just amazing. The room was full of emotion and excitement. Its possibly one of the best home shows i have ever been to.

Life is flying and i'm meerly a passenger

I graduate December 23.
And i am truely scared of that statement.

I dont know where i am going.
I dont know what i'll be doing.
And i dont know how things will turn out.

And those 3 things alone are driving me crazy.

Change

I'm so ready for change. A change in everything around me. I want to be noticed in a positive light. I want more friends i can trust. i don't want to feel used and tossed aside. I want to feel change inside of me. I want to feel genuinely happy with myself. I want to lose 10 lbs. I want to start recording my music. Iwant people to hear what message i have to bring. I want to be closer with God. I want to take larger steps in my faith. I want to hear laughter instead of arguements. I want teachers and administratos to pay attention. I want peace.
I just want change.

What I Want

I found this in my journal...
i thought this to be rather interesting.
as my views have kind of changed...

what i want
1. a guy who is 100% perfect... for me
2.money$$$
3. Studio Apt. in Nueva Yorkkkk
4.Better handwriting
5. a car
6. something to call my own
7. a new guitar
8. to be seen AND heard
9. True blue friends (ihaveafew!)
10. To stay imperfect, because that is just perfect to me
11. People to follow my blog (ahh haha i laugh at this one=])
12. love
13. More v-neck tees (still unsuccessful... i guess you have to be flat chested for them to look right!)
14. Mitchell Davis to comment me back, or Pegen wilson at least!
15. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind on my iPod